A Broken Heart

A Broken Heart

 

By Darrel Stott

“The LORD is near to them that are with a broken heart; and saves those that have a contrite spirit.” Psalms 34:18

When we are young adults beginning our lives we are excited about our futures. This is the way it should be. We have no idea what is ahead of us. If we could see 20 years into the future we would see so many good things. So many blessings come to us. But there is a strong likely hood that we will also go through some testing times.

When I was 22 yrs old I attended a pastor conference and the speaker was talking about people who God uses. As he shared his words upset me. His opinion was that God would not use any man or woman that he has not tested.

As he explained the testing he shared how God would attempt to break our hearts with life circumstances in order that we reach out to him and secondly that we identify with others who go through hard times. He encouraged us to prepare for the difficult times as well as the good times. All he did was make me angry.

When I left the meeting I said this. “If that is what happens to people who God chooses to use then I do not want to be used of God.”

Many Years Later

Now I reflect on my ministry as I travel to many countries around the world. It is true that the effectiveness that I have comes as a result of the “breaking process” that God took me through.

Today I write to those of you who are in the middle of difficult times. You pray and nothing happens and God seems to avoid helping you. I fully understand what you are going through.

How God Broke me

Death

When I began my ministry I often spoke on Abraham laying his son on the altar. Then I would challenge the people to give their all to Jesus Christ and not hold anything back. I had no idea in just a few months I would stand by the grave of my wife with our little girl Jodi feeling so alone and wanting to quit.

I had no motivation to go on. My thoughts were totally confused with no understanding of the ways of God. How could God allow this to happen?

Sickness

A few years later when I wanted to marry a young lady I loved very much the doctor told me I had a terminal blood disease and would soon die. Now my little girl would also lose her father. Again I felt depressed and wanted to die.

Divorce

After marrying to a beautiful Christian lady who was my wife for almost 25 years I learned she did not love me and was involved with another man.

This was the total end for me. I think I had three or more small nervous breakdowns. I wish I had been stronger but I was not. This was totally too much for me to absorb.

Rejection and Abandonment

Then my total ministry itinerary cancelled on me and I was left alone in the Christian world. Most of my Christian friends ignored me. I had no place to live and no purpose in life.

I never once asked God to help me with my future but I would pray over and over if God loved me to please take me to heaven out of my broken heart.

I am not proud of how I responded but it is truthful. I did not blame anyone I just wanted out of the pain. If I was reaping what I sowed then it is too much for me. I could not imagine hell being worse. The pain I was now feeling was so intense that I had never imagined anything so bad.

When I was a young pastor I preached many funerals but never understood what those left behind felt.

So many times people are told they have cancer or AIDS and I gave them a scripture and advice but never felt their fear of dying and leaving their family.

I can remember grown men coming in my office falling on their knees crying like babies telling me their wife had left them for another man. I knew nothing of their pain. I was totally insensitive and reacted with religion.

What I went through was hell for me. It was a breaking beyond words to where I had nothing only Jesus. As I could not sleep I would walk the floor night after night. There was only Jesus and me. If I was ever going to come out of my hell it would only be the help of Jesus who allowed it.

The breaking in my life brought positive change in me

Now when I stand with those who have lost a loved one I have few words to say only a hug and a look but I feel their pain.

When I look in the eyes full of AIDS and CANCER I feel their hopeless and pain. The scripture and advice may be slow in coming.

When I whisper to them “You are going to be okay” I really mean it as I remember my own struggles. If God could restore me then I also believe He can restore others

Final Thoughts:

Not everything bad comes from God but he allows the trials and testing. There is a purpose in these painful times.

My advice is that instead of asking to be delivered from the testing of your faith do this:

1) “Embrace the Trail”

Ask God to use the test to change and mature you. Take a minute by minute approach than an hour by hour. When you have learned to be a better person God will remove the test.

2) “Praise God for all Things”

We will agree that we do not like or enjoy the testing times but force yourself to “Praise God for Them”

“Always Rejoice. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. 1Th 5:16 - 18

I am not an expert at anything. I am a bad example of being a man of faith and responding correctly.

But I know what it is like to hurt in great emotional pain, to feel fear, depression and just want to die. I have failed others and been betrayed. I have felt out of control as my nerves snapped inside me. I never thought God would use me I just wanted to escape and find peace and rest.

What I am saying is I think I relate well to others in their time of testing.

I really believe God is with you and is helping you. Yes you will make it and be stronger and more effective than ever. The bad memories never do go away but they do diminish.

As a result of our breaking I think we all will be less selfish and more understanding and more carrying.

I really care about you and my prayers are with you

In Christ

Darrel Stott

Sumber : 
http://darrelstottusa.blogspot.co.id/2011/06/broken-heart-by-darrel-stott-lord-is.html